My Little Ponies and Incest Marriage
by reeb.myoo
Summary: While on a date with Edward, Bella got her drink spiked. What on earth could happen to her while she was under the influence? And how will Edward react? better than it sounds


_**My Little Ponies and Incest Marriage**_

Bella gets her drink spiked on a date with Edward. What could possibly happen while Bella is in her intoxicated state? Funny I promise! :D

**A/N: - so here's a really random one that I came up with a while ago. I started writing it, but could never get a good enough ending for it, up until now. I hope you all like it! Review? [:**

_Disclaimer – oh yes. I own twilight. That's why I'm writing fanfictions and not publishing novels, and making millions. No I don't own twilight, and sadly, never will. *sighs*_

**On with the story then! I'm secretly wishing myself good luck.**

**Bella's POV**

So I'm here with my boyfriend, Edward. Oh, how I love to be able to call him that. Edward, my _boyfriend_. My _boyfriend_, Edward ... Right. Sorry. I'll carry on now. He's taking me out on a date for our three month anniversary – from after he came back of course, we don't count the bit before. We've been to the cinema, and watched an unrealistic, gory, and sick horror movie, which I chose out just so that I could hug him when I was scared. He, of course, knew I was doing this, but pretended to be oblivious. Throughout the whole movie, he stared at me with this odd look on his face, which I couldn't quite understand. He looked at me like I was worthy of his love. As if I deserved this god-like creature. He always sees himself as the monster in the tale, like he is the Beast, when I'm the Beauty. Of course, the reality is that he's the Beauty, and I'm simple the plain girl by his side. Everyone thinks the same, and he knows it. He is a mind reader after all

But, through all of this, we're together, and have been for _three whole months._ And he was staring at me as if I was the most beautiful girl in the world. So I tried to be appreciative. We walked out of the cinema, and I caught literally fifteen girls staring at Edward in awe, but he ignored them, as he was still staring at me with this loving expression that I couldn't quite place.

After ten minutes of walking in comfortable silence, he spoke up.

"So, what do you want to do now?" His velvet voice smothered me, "Would you like something to eat?" I shook my head automatically, knowing that human food repulsed him. But of course, right on cue, my stomach rumbled so loud that I'm surprised I didn't cause an earthquake. "Right, let's get you some food then, shall we?"

Always the gentleman, he let me into the car safely, before running at lightning speed round to his side of the car. He was so comfortable being himself around me, it shocked me sometimes. We drove to a restaurant that I'd never seen before, but had heard of once or twice as a really nice place. I wondered how he knew where all the good restaurants were, but of course he distracted me by stopping the car and simply touching my hand. How easily he could distract me...

As we walked into the restaurant, one of the waitresses let out an audible gasp as her eyes landed on Edward. She tried to pull herself back together, but she seemed to be unable to tear her eyes off him. I heard Edward chuckle quietly, and realised that she must have been thinking something about him that she shouldn't have been. This was one of those times that I was enormously glad that he couldn't read my mind. If he laughed at something small like this woman's thoughts, he would be in permanent hysterics at mine. Just one of the perks of having an abnormal mind. Okay, the _only_ perk of having an abnormal mind.

So, now we're sitting at the table, and like always, I order food and a coke, and Edward just sits there, ignoring every flirtatious move that each waitress makes at him, and continues to dazzle them just by breaking from my gaze and shooting them a quick glance. He says that I'm his own personal brand of heroine, but what he doesn't realise, is that with one look, he turns into _every_ girl's brand of heroine.

My drink tastes really odd. Maybe they accidentally gave me a diet coke? I'm not sure, but I'll just finish it quickly so I don't have to taste it any more, it doesn't taste right to me. Ooh, now I feel really queasy. I can't concentrate.

"Bella, love, is something wrong?"

Good. That made me concentrate on his melodic voice, and took my mind off how light-headed I was feeling.

**Edward's POV**

The colour of Bella's face was changing at an alarming speed. It went from that inviting, warm pink colour, to bright green in a matter of seconds. I was worried beyond all belief, and about to take her to Carlisle as fast as you could say Vampire, when she suddenly spoke.

"Edward?" She asked. Suddenly her words were longer than usual, and the pitch of her voice went up an octave, "Do you shower?"

After a mature and sensible night, and with Bella being ... well, Bella, this surprised me. I had no idea what to say, and just stayed silent. What on earth do you say to that?

"Edward?? Are you alive?!" Now I was simply puzzled. Either Bella had just asked me if I was _alive_, or ... I was going crazy. I highly doubt that it's the latter, so therefore, Bella must have really just asked me if I was _alive._ She waved a hand in front of my face and clicked her fingers, as if to grasp my attention.

"Are you feeling okay, love?" I enquired.

"I asked you a question Edward," Her voice was so obviously angry, but she looked so sweet, that I struggled to stifle a grin "Are you laughing at me?"

"Bella, love, you already know that I do shower. Not out of necessity, but because I feel I should." I answered truthfully, knowing it wouldn't bother her in any way.

"So you don't actually HAVE to shower?" I shook my head, "Gross!" Now I knew something was wrong. Bella had NEVER said the word 'gross' in the entire time I had known her. Nor had she shown any disliking to any of my family's customs.

I leaned in to touch her hand, but she grabbed my arm roughly – or roughly for her – and pulled my out into the centre of the restaurant, where she proceeded to dance – albeit clumsily. Confused and perplexed, I stood motionless, wondering what had happened to this shy, reserved girl that had caused her to go wild like this.

"Come on Eddie, Dance!" Pah! When had my Bella _ever_ called me _Eddie_? Something was wrong, and I just _had_ to find out what it was.

After refusing to dance with her, and dragging her back to the table with the amount of force that I imagine a human would be able to manage, she leaned into me. I thought she was going to kiss me, but I was wrong, as she spoke up again.

"I'm going to go and meet people," Her breath smelt wrong. I was so used to trying to resist the smell of her ever alluring scent, that when I smelt _alcohol_, I was shocked, to say the least. But before I could speak up, she was already off, stumbling up to frankly, random men and introducing herself.

I listened in to the mind of the tall, rotund man that she had staggered upon, and was shocked with what I heard.

"Hello! My names Bella. Bella Cullen. Nice to meet you! Come here often?"

Excuse me? Let's just go over this again.

"_Hello! My names Bella. Bella Cullen. Nice to meet you! Come here often?"  
Bella __**Cullen?**_

I must admit, I got slightly distracted by this. Bella Cullen. It just sounded so ... right. Isabella Cullen. Mrs Isabella Cullen. My _wife._ I was thinking about this for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually about three seconds, when I realised what exactly she was saying.

I mean what on earth is she – she's drunk. There's no other way to explain it. She _must_ be completely inebriated to have introduced herself as my wife! Wasn't she the one who was so reluctant to marry me? And now she was surprising me with telling a stranger that we were wedded? This girl's mind never failed to baffle me.

Suddenly, Bella ran up to the small stage at the front of the restaurant, grabbed the microphone, and tapped on it, obviously checking to see if it worked. It did. And the entire restaurant groaned from the noise that came from the speakers.

"Excuse me everyone? I would like to make a small announcement here, please?" She cleared her throat, and stared into the crowd, obviously looking for me, "Hi, everyone. My name is Isabella Cullen," There we go with the Cullen thing again, "and, my boyfriend, Edward – give them a wave! – well, Edward, he's a vampire. Yes, you heard me. My boyfriend is a vampire!"

Bella was grinning from ear to ear, whereas my face must have been the opposite. The effects of this mistake could be catastrophic. Everyone would know about my family and I, and we would have to move. Again. I was finally beginning to like this place! Bella's face suddenly turned shocked.

"Oops! I didn't mean to say that! Sorry, everyone. Ignore me!" I sighed. I thought Bella was about to put the microphone down and walk away, but she only cleared her throat again "My _husband_ is a vampire."

Then, she walked away from the stage contentedly. I was still in shock. Unable to move, unable to breath. Would we have to run? I was so close to just running at vampire speed to my house, and telling everyone to leave, immediately, when I heard the most wonderful sound in my entire life.

Laughter. The entire room burst into laughter, indicating that they thought that Bella was merely a drunk girl, who made no sense in her inebriated state.

Thank god.

Then I saw Bella walk up to me.

**Bella's POV**

Edward. Edward! EDWARD!

**Edward's POV**

"Edward. Edward! EDWARD!" Sighing, I walked over to meet my love.

"Yes, love?" She was jumping up and down, buzzing from the alcohol that she had so obviously consumed.

"You know, you're like my lover, from another mother." I had to actually grab on to the nearest table to prevent myself from doubling over with laughter.

I was planning to confront her, and ask her why she said that. But all thoughts of this left my mind when I heard her say that simple sentence.

"Bella love, that's very kind of you for reminding me that what we have isn't incest." It came out before I had the chance to stop myself from saying it. Her eyes widened, and I could tell that I was in trouble. I didn't mind particularly though, because Bella is unintentionally cute when she's angry. Sadly, though, she wasn't angry. I definitely didn't expect the answer I got.

"You're very welcome Edward! Now ... I have another question for you," Wonderful. I bet she'll ask me something about turning into a bat, or something along those lines, "why don't you turn into a bat?"

I thought I couldn't read her mind? Wait one second. **(A/N: this is him listening to people's minds by the way)  
**_Sex.  
Money.  
Sex.  
Money.  
Cat.  
Aren't vampires supposed to turn into bats at night? RANDOM! I wanna play with my My Little Pony!_

Did I just? No. I must be imagining it. I can't hear Bella's mind, no matter how I try. But I can feel the tone of her voice. She sounds so clear, so concise. As if I had heard her mind a hundred times before. Incredible. Did her mind change? Was she now on the FM frequency that I had been waiting for?

I had been hoping and waiting for this moment for almost two years. I could hear Bella's mind. It just so happened that the first time I could hear her mind, all she could think about was children's toys and bats. Or maybe that's what she always thought about. How would I know? Again, my train of thought was broken by another outburst, only this time, in song.

"My Little Pony, My Little Pony, what will today's adventure be?" Tone-deaf. She must be tone-deaf. Someone with such a smooth and beautiful voice can NOT have such a wretched singing voice! Maybe her drunkenness has caused her voice to sound like this.

_Oh MY! Edward looks amazing tonight. WOW! Oh look, there's a guy over there with a beard! _

This would be entertaining if I weren't so worried about her. She proceeded to walk over to the man with the beard and asked him if she could stroke his facial hair. Utterly bemused, the man began to walk away from Bella. Bella did not react well.

"WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY FROM ME?!" She began to follow the man around the restaurant and compliment him on the "wiriness" of his beard. He ran. She followed. I had a particularly hard time trying to run at human pace to stop her from falling, and I managed to catch her, with her face two inches from the ground, calling for the man to come back to her.

I threw a couple of bills on to our table, and carried her bridal style out of the restaurant. She squealed.

"Oh Edward, carrying me over the threshold are we? You're a bit forward aren't you? All you have to do is ask me!" Excuse me? Did I understand that right? She _did_ just inadvertently ask me to propose to her, didn't she? Out of curiosity, I let her down gently next to my Volvo, and kneeled down on to one knee. "Okay then," I decided that this could be an interesting experiment.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I tried to contain my laughter, as I knew that she would reject me and laugh in my face. But it was worth a try wasn't it? Trying as hard as I could to "dazzle" her, I asked in a calm and quiet voice, "I love you more than life itself. We know how life is without each other, and I don't think either of us could face it again. Will you marry me?"

I knew that she would just laugh at me, before saying no, but I suddenly got giddy with the thought of Bella marrying me. Isabella Cullen. I had the same visions of our wedding that I had thought of earlier this night, when she introduced herself as my husband. I could see Bella walking down the aisle, wearing a beautiful wedding dress taking straight out of the era of my human lifetime **(A/N: Picture on profile) . **I snapped myself out of it, and realised that Bella would never accept my proposal; I already knew that marriage wasn't something she fantasised about. But then I heard her mind again.

_... and we could have a long aisle straight through their garden, and I would be wearing a dress from the 1900's, and Edward would just look like himself, and Alice would be my maid of honour, and we could all live happily ever after, with my My Little Pony taking us home to our beautiful castle which will be our new home. We'll ride off into the sunset and have a perfect life. YAY!_

What is it with this girl and My Little Ponies? More to the point, is she _considering_ accepting my proposal? More so, is she seriously imagining the exact same wedding that I was but a moment ago? Impossible.

"Edward," She said, seeming touched, "I would love to marry you! Let's go to Vegas!"

No way. Wha- I mean, wait. Is she – no! How? What? NO?! SHE AGREED?

I'm going to marry Bella. I, Edward Cullen, and going to marry the girl of my dreams. My fantasy about Bella Cullen is going to come true! Incredi-

She puked.

**Bella's POV**

I've puked. All over Edward! That's disgusting! EW, I feel gross now!

"Edward can you please take me home! I feel icky!"

I really don't understand why I keep speaking like this, but I can't stop myself! What is wrong with me? Where's my My Little Pony? I need Eddie the pony!

"Where's Eddie?" I blurted out; again unsure as to why I decided to do this. Edward looked as he was trying to stifle a laugh, so I punched him on his arm. Not that this would hurt him, but I didn't care, I was angry. Why? I'm entirely unsure.

"Who is Eddie, love?" I couldn't be angry for long; he was so honest ... and so heartbreakingly attractive, I couldn't be angry with him. That was so irritating!

"Eddie, the My Little Pony! I NEED EDDIE!" What? Tears? But, I miss Eddie. Eddie the pony. I named Eddie after Edward, because Edward reminds me of a beautiful My Little Pony. I love Eddie.

Edward sighed, lowered me in to the car, and before I knew it, I was in my bed. Wait, how was in my bed so quickly? And why was I hearing coherent thoughts? And WHY IS ALICE STANDING OVER ME?

"Ah!" I screamed really loud. That was painful. Really painful. What was _wrong _with me? And why couldn't I remember what had happened last night? This was worrying. I must have been silently pondering over my thoughts for a long while, because suddenly Alice cleared her throat, and whispered softly.

"Bella, were you _really_ going to go to Vegas without me?"

Vegas? What was in Vegas? Why was I planning on going to Vegas?

Wait a second.

Vegas. What's in Vegas? Casinos. Drunken people. Showgirls. Weddings where people dress up as Elvis. Drunken Showgirls. Drunken casinos. Casino Weddings. Drunken Weddings.

Weddings. Drunk.  
Oh.  
My.  
God.  
I'm engaged. To Edward. Why did I do that?

"I'm not sure either, love." Edward chimed in, his sweet voice breaking my train of thought almost immediately. I looked up, and my world was spinning around me. I managed to make out two forms, most likely Edward and Alice, looking down at me as if I was dying.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" This was my one thing that was _mine._ I couldn't let Edward hear my mind! He _really_ does not want to hear some of the things I think about.

Oh, wait. He could still hear me. Oops.

_Hi Edward. Sorry about this. Please explain?_

"I think that for some reason, I can hear your mind when you're... under the influence."

That explains it.

I was drunk.

And I'm engaged to Edward.

Spiffing.

"Alice, didn't you foresee this or something?" She nodded, "_Then why didn't you tell me?"_

She giggled "well it was the only way I could see for you two to _actually _get married. And you wouldn't crush my poor brother's dreams by not marrying him would you?"

I massaged my temples, the pain of the hangover taking over me, when I noticed a small black mark on the back of my hand. I turned it over, to find the words "I love Eddie the 'my Little Pony'" in tiny letters just below my thumb.

Who the hell is Eddie?

**A/N: That's all folks.**

**Special shout-out to a[dot]ryo, my awesome beta. **

**Reviews are better than proposals from Edward.**


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